never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
