Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
