Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
