I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she told me i tasted like america
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
