just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
