I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
