remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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