my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
