yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize