He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
