What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
