The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
