who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
