bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
