she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Too much gin, very little bucket
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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