i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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