I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Randomize
