So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
