im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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