Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
