Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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