wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
