So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
