I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
