Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
