every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
