I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
