He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
