Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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