Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
