If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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