you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
