Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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