you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
