video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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