We named our party play list daddy issues
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
