Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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