I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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