Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
