I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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