I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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