if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
