Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
