You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
