nut hugger
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
