Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
