My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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