SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
