i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
