Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i think i just lost a toe
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
