You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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