Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
