im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
