i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
