There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
