but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
