ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Come see our sink grown plant.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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