once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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