thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
