Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
