wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
