So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
