just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
