You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
