first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
