so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
