i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
