no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
