One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
