I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
