there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
