Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
