my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
